Is Enough Ever Enough?
you are plenty...
A few months ago, I had dinner with my friend Adam. Adam and I used to work together (in my office day job). We were colleagues for a few years before he left to work somewhere else a couple of years ago. Our friendship remained and we now make a point to meet a couple of times a year for a meal.
We’re both pretend foodies so our his last choice was a restaurant in South East London called Kudu - I’ve been back there recently and I stand by my previous opinion: it’s one of the good ones, amazing food - original tastes, outstanding service and care. What more do you want? Pricey? Yes, but then where isn’t in London in 2024.
I promise this is not a restaurant review but if you’re ever in the neighbourhood and have a special occasion to celebrate or you know it’s Tuesday… go check it out (linked above).
Okay, restaurant review over, going back to Adam.
As our evening went on, the conversation turned to his ‘love’ life. Adam had fairly recently started dating after separating from his partner and the mother of his child. I was fascinated by his tales of dating apps and the world of online dating, something I’ve never experience 1st hand as I’ve only really had long term relationships: 1. My ex-husband (12+ years) 2. My current partner (9+ years).
I was very curious to know how his latest relationship was developing and asked perhaps rather too keenly ‘so, how is it going?’ He paused for a second and I thought oh, no (I like Adam, he’s a nice guy - it would be nice to know he’s met someone who he can be happy with) then he said: ‘well’ and I almost breathed a sigh of relief before he added: ‘…enough’ and my smile was quickly replaced by a frown.
Well enough?!
He went on to explain (perhaps he felt the need to justify his choice of words because of the look on my face) that they are enjoying each other’s company and that for now that was enough for him. He doesn’t have the time or the inclination for more ‘than enough’ in his life right now. And I thought rather unconvincingly mmmm, okay…but our conversation stayed with me long after our delicious meal evening was over.
Why did I feel so negatively towards the ‘enough’? I mean if he’d just said ‘well’ I wouldn’t have been replaying our conversation in my head now. Why did I expect him to feel more than good enough about this new relationship? Relationships and life are not all fireworks, what we see in the movies or read in a Sophie Kinsella novel (though I do love a SK novel).
We often put invisible pressures on situations, ourselves and relationships to do more than enough, to be better than what we are, instead of accepting that maybe enough is enough and even, dare I say… plenty.
‘He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough’.
Lao Tzu
Unsurprisingly the theme of enough came back into my life in another form several months later.
On Sunday morning we often have a few hours of creative fun at home. This usually involves drawing, colouring and collage/paper cutting. This particular time, it was just me and my youngest, Corin, he was 5 at the time (now 6).
We get on with our own simple projects while listening to music and chatting. As we neared the end, he looked over at my project and then his, ‘Oh no’ he moaned, ‘mine isn’t as beautiful as yours’. Of course, I disagreed and reassured him but no, he was adamant ‘mine is definitely not good enough to go on the fridge’.
I was amazed that at 5 years old he already had something to measure his work against. Just like I might think that my latest pattern isn’t good enough to pitch to a brand or that this essay is not good enough to publish on Substack (I’m publishing it anyway).
I will tell you the same I said to him on that day as I placed his drawing on our fridge with a magnet: ‘You are plenty’.
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You are plenty…so much wisdom in this, Océane. What a beautiful gift these conversations brought you. Thank you for sharing them so we can remember our plenty.
Great to read your reflections on 'enough', and this is a great quote to remember.