What If My Idea Sucks?
Facing Creative Fear: The Long Path to My Picture Book
Hello and welcome to The Curious Magpie, I’m Océane and once a month I write an essay about life, curiosity or creativity. My hopes, dreams, fears and everything else in between. Thank you for coming along and I hope you enjoy reading my words or listening if you opted for the voiceover.
When I started my Substack, I put together a list of things I would offer as benefits for my paying members. One of those was to share progress on my lifelong dream to write and illustrate a children’s book. I thought sharing my process and sticking to a schedule of posting an update once a month would give me the accountability I’d been missing. Turns out, it really didn’t.
In the five months I’ve been writing here, I’ve only managed two monthly updates—one in June which was free to all, one in July just for my paying members. What happened? Why not more? Today, I want to explain why.
The truth is, I haven’t written or drawn anything related to my picture book. This picture book idea has been growing in my head, kinda like the roots of a tree, but sadly those roots are tangled up in my thoughts which are along the lines of:
What if my idea sucks? I’ve been brewing it for so long—what if, once I finally get it out of my head and onto the page, I realise it’s terrible? Then what? Do I try to make it better? Do I scrap it and start over? I mean, I could. I do have at least half a dozen picture book ideas, but I’m not sure that would solve the problem, would it? What if every time I have an idea, I self-sabotage before I even put pen to paper?
Back in June when I first mentioned the idea of this picture book, I felt so excited. But now, that excitement is tangled up with the fear that it won’t live up to my hopes once I start putting it into words and pictures. I’m scared that what I put down on the page won’t be half as good as what imagined in my head and the inevitable truth will come out: I can’t write and I can’t draw - I am an imposter.
For creatives, vulnerability and fear of failure are things that probably never fully go away. And maybe they’re not supposed to. Maybe we need them, like a compass, but it’s important to remember that while the compass points the way, we’re the ones who choose which direction to go. I think this is something you might relate to.
“Progress” is such a big word. In my mind, I thought I’d have a draft of this picture book ready by the end of the year. Looking back, that was pretty unrealistic. But what if we turned ‘progress’ around on its head? Writing one word a day is still progress, isn’t it? Even though I haven’t physically created anything, my idea has been growing and evolving in my mind, which is its own kind of progress—it’s just invisible.
When I’m trying to understand something—especially about myself—I write. So, I’m writing this now in an attempt to break through this mental block. It’s like an exorcism, in a way. Hopefully, not as scary as the film. I do hope it helps me get unstuck and moving forward with this project because I don’t want to give up on it.
While I navigate my way through this, I’ve decided to remove the paywall from this membership benefit. I realise my block might come from the pressure to make everything I share about this project perfect, since I’m sharing it with paying members. By making any picture book progress free to all, I take away the stress of a monthly update and the fear of imperfection. I hope my paying members will understand why I’ve come to this decision.
Last year when I was having a tough time in my day job, someone told me that courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s fear with legs. Being courageous means you're afraid, but you keep going. I love the visuals associated with this, I often think about it while going through a difficult situation in my life.
So, I’ve come up with some things that will help me keep going:
Showing myself self-compassion
We’re sometimes very hard on ourselves so I want to make a intentional effort to be kind to myself and remember that embracing imperfections can lead to growth and unexpected discoveries.
Redefining progress
Progress often looks very different from what we expect. Thinking, reflecting, and growing are all forms of moving forward.
Taking small steps
I’m going to dedicate 10 minutes a week to sketching or writing for my picture book, and I’ll share when I’m ready — no pressure.
Do you have experience with creative paralysis? I’d love to hear your thoughts, stories, or tips if you’d like to join me in the comments.
Below I share 3 of my favourite picture book authors (you can find them here) :
Oliver Jeffers
I love Jeffers’s mix of mediums. He uses gouache, coloured pencils and collage in his illustrations. His stories are always so original and many contain strong messages about the world - wars and the environment.
Bethan Woollvin
Woollvin’s limited colour palettes are so interesting. She often uses just grey and black with only one key colour throughout her books. Here twists on traditional fairy tales are wonderful - her female characters are strong and intelligent.
Jon Klassen
Both my children have loved the “Where’s my hat?” trilogy. I think they are genius. They are the perfect example of how words and pictures should work together. I love that the stories’ endings leave room to the imagination and also have quite a sinister twist.
A dose of honesty : This is my first ever voiceover. It took me over 3 days and multiple attempts to record, finding the right tone, pitch and intonation is not easy but I can see how with practice it’s something I can and will get better at. I wanted it to feel like I was having a conversation with you rather than just reading what I wrote so some of the words in my voiceover might not be exactly the same as the ones I wrote (I’m okay with that).
Adding voiceovers to my monthly essays is something I’ve been thinking about for a while and I’m so glad I’ve done it - it’s not perfect but I love that you now have the option to listen if you wish.
Thank you to
whose voiceover workshop I attended last weekend gave me the kind nudge to do this despite the deep dislike of the sound of my own voice.And thank you to my partner, Justin, for the edits on this recording. I’m lucky to live with a sound engineer who tidied it all up and made me sound much better than in real life lol.
Je pense que c'est normal d'avoir cette peur que la réalisation de ton idée soit décevante pour toi (surtout si c'est quelque chose qui te trotte dans la tête depuis longtemps) ou pour ton public. La peur peut être saine tant qu'elle ne devient pas paralysante. J'espère que tu trouveras un rythme qui te convient et que tu pourras faire avancer cette idée petit à petit. N'oublie pas que "l'important ce n'est pas la destination mais le voyage". Tu apprendras probablement des choses en route, sur toi, ce que tu aimes et n'aimes pas, sur tes limites et sur la manière de travailler qui te convient le mieux. Et si cette idée là n'est pas concrétisée jusqu'au bout, elle pourrait tout de même amener d'autres inspirations, qui sait ?
(Je pense que tu parles de Jon Klassen, non ?)
I think this point is so key: "Progress often looks very different from what we expect. Thinking, reflecting, and growing are all forms of moving forward." 💯